|Only need one, actually|
Two weeks ago, I ran the Dexter to Ann Arbor Half Marathon. It was okay. It was slow (that’s what old, tired, fat guys do, they run slow). Mostly, it was eye-opening. I thought I could run faster. I didn’t. Of course, I have been doing this long enough that I am quite aware that when you train slow, you race slow (and I train slow). So…. no surprise. The surprise (although it really isn’t) is that I just don’t care at this point.
It’s been a year and a half since my knee surgery. While it isn’t worse, it’s certainly not much better. Every day is a mystery, not of WILL it hurt, but how much. Getting tired of that (by the way, if you read this and are wondering why I do not seek other medical help, that will never happen again. Every doctor I have ever seen for a running related issue has botched it up. Every one since Dr. Schroeder in the tenth grade. Don’t get me wrong, I seen some good PA’s, PT’s, and some good Chiros. Doctors? You can have them….. all).
Anyway, while running Friday in my favorite woods, clarity hit: this knee thing has drained me. I am no longer a fan of pretty much any kind of running discomfort. When the going gets tough and I get into discomfort, my option is don’t fight, don’t push, slow down. And the problem is that for the last year and a half, it is ALL discomfort. The result of this? No discomfort, no speed. No discomfort, no fast racing. But what’s amazing is that once that awesome realization hit, I experienced a nice calming sort of feeling and see the running thing much more clearly than I have in quite some time. Mindset alteration in progress…..
By the way, without choosing to deal with discomfort, real racing is not an option. Racing, I said, not races. I can still shuffle my way through a 10K or a Half and have no issue with my detachment from “racing.” Simple deal, mindset alteration.
But some other things have to change too, if for nothing else, my own self-respect and sanity.
First and foremost: marathons. If I am uninterested in 13.1 miles of discomfort, who in the hell wants it for 26.2? Not me, that’s for sure. SO, the Chicago Marathon? Probably not. I will more than likely defer my entry until 2019 and hope that by then maybe the mood will resurface. If not, that’ll be okay too. Cal International in December? Doubt it.
I had a goal of finishing 26 of them. I’d like to think that I still might do that. Then again, maybe not. I’m okay either way.
Realization: I never really was a good marathoner. I’ve probably run three decent ones and the other 14 have just sucked: completely mediocre. Given my 15:09 5K, 32:21 10K, and 1:12 Half, my marathons should have always been faster. They weren’t, and it’s been decades of frustration until my present ah-ha moment: I am not a marathoner. FINALLY, I am okay with that.
Next, you know what? No next. The rest of my issues are for me and you really don’t want me to head down that road. Let’s just say that it has been a very discouraging last couple of weeks as far as other parts of life are concerned (maybe disappointing is a better word). Suffice it to say that in my sunset years I will strive to make things easier and go out of my way not to get entangled into everyone else’s bullshit. Too much of life is spent focused on the “wall of no control.” No more.
In the meantime, Eliud Kipchoge’s words are more meaningful than ever: “Run with the run.”
Run on (your way).